Last night i tried writing my life history. Again. Okay well not so much life history, but rather the last three years of my life. I find them significant... because thats when i grew up.
Whoever said that changing from an all girls school to a co-ed school has 'no significant impact' should be shot. Preferably trampled on as well.
*Just so you know, my arms are aching like crazy and they keep sliding off the keyboard. I'm using one arm to carry the other arm up but this alternation doesn't really seem to be doing much good.*
Btw, this was just a random topic that came to mind. Its ironic cos earlier this morning i was trying to remember something i read a long time ago along the lines of punctuation.
Woman without her man, is nothing.
Woman; without her, man is nothing.
I believe its from readers digest. And i KNOW i've got some part of it wrong, i just haven't figured out what. Anyways. My point was that, although i usually tend to be a tad feministic, both sentences are partially true.
A woman without her man is nothing. A woman without a father is robbed of something... whether or not this leaves her a nothing is entirely up to herself. But a woman without a husband is robbed of nothing, and is instead given the gift of celibacy (Amen to that).
Man is nothing without woman. Whether or not they like it. They come from the womb, they feed from her body (anyone say ew and i'll skewer them. Its a fact of life.), they reproduce through her. But a man without a wife is robbed of nothing.
The way women relate to men... as i have observed from my three years in a co-ed school... is in some cases, dicks win over chicks. which is pa-the-tic but hey, it happens. All you can do is suck it up like a good baby. Theres another breed of women who seem utterly immune to the opposite sex. Sure, they can communicate, no problem, but in terms of sexual attraction, theres nothing. Zilch. Then there're the in betweens.
I once wrote this entire analogy of life on being lukewarm. I'll type it up below. Lukewarmers are those who are in between. I am the world's best example of a lukewarmer.
I'm just... sick. of life. being the way it is. Its not bad, its not good. You've enemies, you have friends. Its not my nature to fight for something, so i stay in the region of lukewarm, where its neither hot nore cold. you should know that soaking in such water is unhealthy. It neither soothes nor discomforts, merely swelling you up so that your toes resemble the grapes that God promised the Canaanites. Instead of living... there is no life.
you can see i was a tad depressed. Anyway. (yes there's more... lol)
We hit the age- 16 and 17 year olds who sit here in their lukewarm bath. we've soaked long enough to know that its high time we towel off and leave: to greater heights and the ascention of the Ladder. We've all soaked long enough to know that temperature is but temporary- the superficial aspects in life that are about as fragile and precious as soap bubbles. The bubbles themselves do not cleanse. The urge to clean must be overwhelming. One must search for the soap, groping for it beneath murky waters and bubbly icebergs. Search too hard and you might trip on the plughole and before you know it, there you go- all your bathwater gone. Maybe only slicks of grime and suds left. You see the soap, but there is no water. Finding it was pointless.
This was my bathroom analogy on living. People want to die becuase they no longer have bathwater; because they couldn't find the damn soap.
I wrote this in my diary. Well not so much a diary. Its just a book where you write about days to remember. Someone gave it to me for my birthday.
What really annoyed me today that brought up this whole lukewarm thing again was me discovering that i really do care. That it still hurts (don't we just love that word). Just that no one knows i do. And nor do i ever want them to.
You can be brave in the face of adversaries. You can say, 'It doesn't matter what people think of you. Proving them wrong is what matters.' I would like to ask how much of that bravery is genuine, and how much of it was actually said by knock-kneed folk who stuttered on the word "p-p-p-proving" and splattered half the population with spittle in the process. They said it so they could feel better about themselves. They said it so they could still have bathwater instead of pulling the plug.
When you finally realise that not everyone has the perfect opinion of you, when you realise that so many of the 'friendships' you maintained were but empty vessels, you see an oily spectrum of colours as bubbles begin to pop.
"I'm not depressed, i'm not in denial. I'm just wrapped up in my own insulating material."
I don't expect anyone to understand this. For that matter, i expect people to NOT understand this.
posted @ 2:57 AM